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GUIDE TO ROMANTIC LIVING

Chapter Eleven | Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Twelve: Romantic Meals

My younger sister, Anne, was on her first date with her future husband at a New York restaurant. She accidentally tipped her chicken marengo into her lap.

She had to think of a way to save the situation. It wasn't exactly romantic to be sitting with a mass of food on her lap. She said, challenging him:

"If you were a real gentleman you'd change clothes with me."

"Okay," he said.

In the middle of the restaurant he took off his trousers and she took off her skirt and they exchanged clothes.

It was at this moment that they knew each was as crazy as the other. They knew they were meant for each other. They fell in love.

They walked back to his flat, holding hands, he in the skirt, she looking quite glamorous in his baggy trousers.

Food-in-the-lap isn't a technique I'd recommend. It could go seriously wrong. But her response does show a certain style.

Style is what counts. Your own style.

Personally, I favor more traditionally romantic meals by candlelight or by water, with roses on the table, although there is much to be said for informality. In Somewhere In Time the hero, played by Christopher Reeve, and the heroine, me, have a picnic on the floor of the hotel room after they make love. It is something I often do in real life. I like to turn the formality of a hotel room into something informal and adventurous.

When I first came to Los Angeles, I used to get into the car, drive to the beach, park, walk around in the sun, then sit looking out at the sea with a picnic.

I didn't have to have anyone with me---I'd often go alone.

Sometimes another actress, Jenny Agutter, would go with me. We would buy an inexpensive sparkling wine and a little pot of cheap lumpfish caviar, some Wheat Thins and sour cream, and we'd take it all out to the beach and have champagne and caviar by the surf toast the fact that we weren't sitting in an unemployment bureau in England. Those meals were more exquisite than the very best meals at the very best restaurants.

We were enjoying life for what it was and not wasting time feeling miserable about what it wasn't. Sometimes I think people overemphasize food. It's people and places and a sense of peace that turn a pleasant meal into a memorable experience.

Surprise your friends by producing a picnic at an outdoor concert, on the beach, on a walk. Where you eat is often as important as what you eat. Everyone I have spoken to on the subject of romance has referred to water. Somehow, when nothing makes sense anymore, looking at water, in particular eating beside water, can be calming. It gives a sense of peace and continuity. It connects us to the past and to the future, whereas so much else in our lives is disconnecting: the distance between people, the ring of the telephone, which interrupts your thoughts, the constant barrage of trivia from television and newspapers.

Eat in unusual places-on buses, on rivers, on mountaintops. A romantic life is a varied life that creates magic everywhere, that turns a meal in a roadside café into an adventure, a picnic into heaven. Romantics are restless, always trying new things, new places, looking for heaven on earth and sometimes finding it in the most mundane places. Drive off to Cornwall and buy fresh lobsters, rent a thatched cottage by the sea and buy fish from the fishermen. Don't stay in your hometown eating the same food in the same ways; take off to other places, not necessarily glamorous places, but places where you can discover a perfect restaurant, a gorgeous wine bar, a cozy diner with homey food. Don't be trapped.

When I first arrived in California I couldn't believe how warm it was, and every morning I would breakfast in my little back garden with freshly squeezed orange juice and some fresh fruit. Sometimes, because I had very little money, I would just buy a bit of fruit, perhaps a few perfect strawberries. But I would turn those strawberries into a feast. I would make sure to savor each one-its texture, its color, its taste.

I still like to have breakfast outside, in a garden, on a balcony. Make sure you breakfast outside sometimes, even if it's only when you're on holiday.

Dinner by candlelight is another essential for the romantic life, because it flatters and it transforms. It transforms an ordinary room to somewhere mysterious, timeless, and while the two of you talk it seems you are two new people as your eyes watch each other through the soft firelight. In St. Catherine's we have a long, long table where we dine by the light of candles and sometimes with a roaring fire.

Always have candles handy. Candles shouldn't be only for celebrations. They can make every day into a celebration, make tired, hard-worked faces look less tired, and bring a little of the eternal into the everyday.

For the same reason, try to have a real fire sometimes, and cook when you can over an open fire. Men enjoy cooking over a fire. Watching a fire burn can take you out of the here and now, out of your busy life and make you peaceful.

When you cook for a group of people-either a barbecue or a formal dinner-don't try to show off. If you're an excellent cook, cook something magnificent. If you're not, don't try to prepare a difficult meal that will make you bad-tempered and exasperated. And don't worry too much about how you look, how you appear. Your concern should be with your guests, not yourself. You're not the star of the occasion, you're the director of all the stars, your guests.

Whether a meal is for one or for twelve the rules are the same: organize it as if you were directing a show; cast it right, set it right, light it right. The famous host and director Alfred Hitchcock said, "For truly great conversation, there should never be more than six to dinner...if more, the conversation tends to dissipate, ideas begin to founder." Personally I'd put the maximum at twelve, ideally around a big round table.

Don't cast the show with all couples, or all single people, all extroverts or all introverts: try to achieve a good mix. And don't worry if things go wrong with the food. The friends have come to see you and the other guests, not to eat. Some people even argue that really superb food stops the flow of conversation because people are concentrating on the food, and muttering compliments about the food, rather than enjoying each other's company. I find this a comforting thought when disaster strikes one of my dinner parties.

If dinner is flagging, move people to different places. Don't be too rigid about this: if you have decided to move people after the second course, don't move them if the conversation is going marvelously. Firelight, candlelight, flowers will help to relax people. But as the hostess you must help too. You must ask the right questions to encourage conversation, to show people at their best.

Whether a dinner is intimate or a larger, more formal party, think a little about the setting. As I said, the setting, atmosphere, and other people matter more than the food. If all else is well, people will hardly notice the food. For instance, put some thought into a romantic flower display. Certainly don't have such a large bowl of flowers on the table that no one can see the person opposite. The more delicate the display, the better. Pick wild flowers, flowers from the garden, or a few leaves with roses. Or buy a large bowl and float some flowers in the water, in the Japanese manner. The Japanese have the right idea-less is more. Always make sure you are sensitive to the season, and change your flowers accordingly. Bring the outside world into your dining room-candles, flowers, music.

Picnic in a park, by a stream, anywhere-but make sure your hamper doesn't include anything too difficult to serve. Make mousses, bring marvelous cheeses and breads and plenty of good wine and fruit.

Prepare well but make it look impromptu. That is one of the secrets of great romantic occasions.

Cook together sometimes but make sure that one of you isn't landed with the job of scullery maid-peeling potatoes, washing carrots. If cooking is going to be fun, all the nasty chores have to be done first.

Just happen to have all the ingredients for a soufflé or sandwiches or sorbet, ready to hand, and preparing a meal can be a romantic event.

When auditioning for Raiders of the Lost Ark Steven Spielberg took the cooking game a little far, and turned it into something that could well have been a torture for those who don't like to cook. Instead of auditioning actresses in the normal way, with a screen test and lines to say, he talked to them in his kitchen while, at his insistence, they made baba au rhum. He thought the kitchen brought out a person's real self. I didn't get the part, but I thought I made a terrific baba au rhum.

So if you do cook with a friend, make sure your real self is one you wish to reveal to him right then.

Throw the occasional terrific party. Think of a theme. People love an excuse to dress up, to become children again.

A great idea is to stick a famous person's name on the back of each guest. Each one has to try to guess who he or she is by asking the other guests questions.