INDEX

ALL ABOUT JANE
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Jane's Filmography
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Secrets to Staying Fit
Charities
Alternative Medicine
St. Catherine's Court
Meet James Keach
James' Filmography

ARTISTIC VENUES
Jane as Artist
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BOOKS
Making Yourself at Home
Remarkable Changes
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This One & That One
Two at a Time

MISCELLANEOUS
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Rosie's Mom Squad

PHOTO ALBUM
Just Jane

REMARKABLE CHANGES: Turning Life's Challenges into Opportunities

Three | Five

Chapter Four: Imagine Who You Will Become

Transform Yourself

At the times in my life when I was at my lowest ebb, I have always needed to imagine something I could be or do to lift myself up.

This signpost is about just that—how extraordinarily powerful our imaginations can be, and how vital they are in times of crisis. Several years ago I had the pleasure of watching my sister Annie go through a very large reimagining of herself. It was an amazing process of first envisioning who she could be, and then transforming herself from a stay-at-home mother into a skilled homeopathic healer who works all over the world with experts in conventional and alternative medicine. She learned so much as she initiated her own life changes, and I did as well, by watching her as she became a new person.

The next chapter in Annie's story is a light one. I think it's a testament to the idea that one change begets another. Sometimes you put one toe in the water, and who knows? You may find yourself swimming with ease before you know it! Once Annie was on a roll in her new life, she simply took the next step in order to get what she needed. She did a complete makeover of herself, from the inside out.

The Power of Imagination

Annie's transformation has been inspirational to me. Her story is a great example of how, when we truly do want to change, and when we can see ourselves both as we are and as we might become, we are indeed able to initiate it. In fact, I would say that we must see who we truly are, and imagine who we can be, before we are able to initiate change.

Annie, like all of us, came to know who she was in stages, and she looked to others to help her do this. A sign can come from a trusted friend's truthful comment that we take to heart, or it could be the result of a sincere prayer. Somehow you are filled with an overwhelming belief that yes, this thing you've been interested in, the thing you've been asking for guidance about, is your calling.

We all so often need permission to get on with what's important in our lives. But I do believe that if we take the time to look, deep down inside ourselves, we already know what we can do and what we do well. The key may be just in recognizing those abilities because they may not look spectacular at first glance.

I think, though, that you have to want something enough in order to make a change. And if you do want it enough, you also have to go about making the change in a fairly organized way. You have to give yourself a goal, an image of where you're going. It has to be a tangible image, whether it's a ten-pound weight loss you want to achieve, or exercising more in order to bring down your blood pressure, or applying to college in order to get started on a new career. Imagine for yourself a small, positive goal at first, and as you achieve it, acknowledge yourself for having achieved it, hang on to it, and then imagine another small goal to achieve.

Imagining these goals is so much better if you can do it with a group of people who are trying to do the same thing. You'll have more reassurance and a sense of community, you won't feel you're alone, and you won't get distracted and lose your way as you work toward your goal. You reap benefits from being part of a community, and the community reaps benefits from your participation as well. However small the goals you've imagined for yourself, as you achieve them, you can share that success with others who are struggling with similar issues. The knowledge that you managed to do one small thing can encourage someone else to feel that perhaps they, too, can achieve their goals.

And you know, the biggest thing of all as we are reimagining ourselves, challenging ourselves with new goals, and facing unrelenting change in our lives is to have a sense of humor about the whole darned thing! There are times when it all feels so serious, but at some point, if you cannot laugh at your own situation, then you are in deep trouble. The point is, instead of being mad at yourself, or driving yourself crazy because you're not perfect, try laughing at yourself. As you reach for the next doughnut, imagine yourself, saying, "Now, which part of my anatomy do I actually want to stick this on? Maybe I should try it on first inside my underwear and see if it fits, and whether I like that bulge. Do I really want that doughnut here—or do I actually want two, so that I can enlarge the hips symmetrically?" There are so many ways to lighten up, and I think that if we do, we can actually imagine—and make real—significant change in our lives.

We all have our foibles—habits like overeating, undereating, overspending—that we'd like to change. Sometimes, I think the only thing that keeps us from changing is that we amuse ourselves with our foibles. By that I mean that the very fact that we have a certain habit is a distraction, and our attention tends to focus on the distraction rather than on what we could be doing about it. Instead of taking action, we waste energy telling ourselves negative stories: "I'm so fat, I'm never going to get into those jeans, so I'm not going to buy those jeans. Poor me. I can't have gorgeous clothes because I'm too fat."

After a while, when you've told yourself that story enough times that you know you really don't want to hear it anymore, it's time to change. Here's what I do: I imagine a different way, a different story. I tell myself, "I've heard that story, I've lived that story. It's no longer amusing or distracting, and it's not something I want to hear myself say ever again." As you find yourself about to go back into that old habit, fire up your imagination again, see the thing you wish to be, and remind yourself, "I'm not going back there."

There are, of course, more serious foibles, which can become addictions. Fortunately, there are many different ways of handling even these predicaments. Obviously, and very successfully, people have realized that twelve-step programs are very effective. You, of course, have to first acknowlege that you have a problem, and that's a huge stumbling block for people who don't want to make that admission. But once you do, you are on your way toward change, particularly if you can work with a group of people like yourself.

The truth is, we can each create a much more fulfilling life by seeing our opportunities, embracing those possibilities, and doing all we can with them. I believe we can choose to be open to receiving what is happening around us in our lives—this is vital. Our opportunities come from looking around and having eyes and ears and hearts that are open to what is there. But we do have to be able to see it, and that's where the power of our minds come in.

If we understand that we have that kind of power to create our own reality, isn't it all the more important to really try to focus on creating positive images about ourselves whenever we can? We all develop some kind of vision of ourselves, and I believe we can choose to make it a positive image rather than a negative one. How we do that is unique to each of us.

The key is not visualizing what you've lost, but rather visualizing what you'd like to do or be today. Cherish the simple joys of living in the present—keep your eyes and ears tuned for what can be wonderful now. Whatever it is that you can do that's special, or that's different—be alert for it and at the very least find the pleasure in your own creations. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something that you love to do, take it several steps further, and figure out how to make a living at it! But you won't if you can't see it in the first place.

Learning a Positive Attitude

All of this is, at bottom, about having a positive attitude so that you can create this positive image of yourself. My father-in-law taught James and me that it helps to visualize yourself as forward thinking and positive—and prepared for things to work out rather than worrying and looking over your shoulder, second-guessing the choices you have made. Accepting change as it comes, initiating it when I need to, having a positive attitude about it, and expecting things to work out have always been the way I live my life.

Adversity can push us to see the best in ourselves. From that, we can change ourselves to meet the challenge at hand. But most important of all, we do have a choice about the changes we make and the kind of people we become.

Adversity Can Produce Great Change

I think that when you reach the bottom, anything is possible. Somehow it's an amazing clearing deck, and as painful as it can be to reach the bottom, in a cetain way it's the most useful part of a crisis. A lot of people are stuck in ruts they can't get out of, and until things get bad enough they can't seem to clear the deck and say, "Okay, now who am I really and what do I really want?"

So often, it's not until the chips are down that we actually start to look at the very foundation of our lives, to really see who we are, and in that process we can reassess and reimagine our lives.

Patience to Wait for Your Vision of the Future

Everything we've been talking about takes time to develop and patience to allow it to do so. Whether you're initiating change you've longed for, or reacting to something that's been thrust upon you, it always takes patience to handle the ensuing turmoil. No one gets to know the end of their own story ahead of time—and in the meantime, we each have no choice but to be patient while we figure out the next step in our own stories.

Your vision of your particular future may not occur instantly, and you may, like the rest of us, need to sort through some things. There's often a load of thinking and considering that goes into the waiting. It all will take time, but change will come. Many changes that come in the form of a crisis can seem to happen quickly, and some of us adapt to them more quickly than others. But in so many cases lasting change and a deep shift in attitude just takes time.

Removing the Fear to See the Way

Our imaginations are so powerful, and can do so much good in our lives. However, there are times when our imaginations work overtime, and fear can be one of the unfortunate by-products. Fear is the great stop sign that can halt change—or make it far more painful than it needs to be. Change so often takes courage, and fear so often provides the sticking point that overpowers courage.

My belief is that we don't have to give fear that much power. As James says, fear can be just another trick of the mind.

There are real things to fear, yes. But everything in life is a choice. When I am afraid, for example, I tend to put the thing that frightens me down on an imaginary table, and stand back from it and kind of look at it pragmatically, and maybe do something silly sounding, like making a list about it. I ask myself, "What's good about this, what do I fear about this, what good could come out of it to make it worth taking the risk?" I can see then whether or not it's a big risk and whether or not the downside is something I can live with or maybe learn from. And then I can make a choice.

But when fear is at its worst, it can truly numb and paralyze us. Maybe the fear is about a career move that you know you should make, but you're frightened of failing. Perhaps there's a relationship at stake. Those baby steps you take to achieve change can help you overcome fear of change as well. Once you've inched your way toward change, once you've made some small adjustment in your life and found it's worked out fine, then you have a history of success, however short. And that history can breed courage to overcome the paralysis of fear.

It's true that sometimes we only break the logjam of fear when someone else pulls us through it—and that's the value of friends and connections. Still, on your own, the kind of attitude you choose to have, your patience, and your willingness to imagine a new situation for yourself can get you moving away from a place of fear. It's just like riding a bike. One day you try, and you survive it. So you're willing to try again. An enormous sense of satisfaction comes in knowing you've overcome some of your fears, just by facing them square on.

The antidote to fear is action. This begets bravery, and the more you sit back and contemplate, anticipate that which you're afraid of, the more paralyzed you can be about it.

It all comes down to this: everybody has choices. Choose to make your imagination your ally. You do have a say about what pictures live in your head—and you can choose the most positive images to shape your life.

The foregoing is excerpted from Remarkable Changes by Jane Seymour. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022